....last week was the fifth....i went for different docs all the while but none satisfied me. i wish i were a doc so that i could diagnose my own disease....

for the past two weeks, i acted normally in front of others. i smiled when people greeted me with a smile, i responded when people asked me bout the workloads. a few who were very concerned asking bout my current condition. at times, i didnt know how to answer them. i just responded that "i'm okay" simultaneously, i was actually telling lies.

plus, i realized that i wasn't in the good mood most of the times. sometimes, i isolated myself from others as i was afraid of showing my real condition to them, and worried of not being able to pretend that im okay for any longer. i needed space for myself and let me bear it alone. i'd been scolded by few people whom i knew cared about me.

dear families and friends, sory for everything. when i was physically sick, my mind as well as my emotion was not in a healthy state. thats why sometimes, i threw a massive tantrum to some of you, responded harshly and so forth. please bear in mind that i ddnt mean to do so thus dont put any grudge on me.

i could still remember, i rushed to the clinic as it hit me again and again. i asked for lecturer's permission to escape class and go back early.
i could still remember, i tried my very best to stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks as i couldnt stand  it anymore.
i could still remember, i stopped reading my favourite series novel when it hit me again.
i could still remember, i couldnt focus in class even though my eyes were wide opened.

dear families and friends,
                                     sorry for the fake smiles, 
                                     sorry for the fake laughs,
                                     sorry for keeping up the pretence
                                     all the while.....

salam and hye everyone....

im back!!! sorry for the loooonnggg silent. i'd been busy lately....previously, i longed for enough sleep, eat, rest and so forth. now, i already got my own biological clock; enough sleep, eat and rest. thanx God...:)

i'm currently in my final year working on lotsss of lesson planning and microteaching all the while explains my silent. Being as the one who prepared, presented as well as observed my friends' microteaching, a lot of new knowledge was gained, new teaching styles and techniques were acquired which prepare me for my practicum next year and teaching years for the upcoming 30 years.

"teachers are born, not made?" or teachers are made, not born?"......from my personal view, i opted for the first one. this is because, i think teachers should have natural ability to teach...all people can teach but what make the difference between them is that the one who can teach effectively and able to engage with the pupils during teaching and learning process. I think the skills necessary for teaching are that of what you are born with and not all people are natural teachers. people who are born to be teachers will deliver her or his instruction and lesson well compared to people who are made to be teachers. and for some who are really into kids, they will also be naturally engaged with them thus they can be a good teacher.

in class, i could see only some of my friends are born to be teachers as they naturally acted in front of the class in delivering their lesson. Since all of my classmates are going to teach in primary school, our lecturer would prefer us to act accordingly. or in simple words, act childishly. the action and the body gestures are very important while teaching the children. don't be shy. reflecting upon myself, maybe im shy in front of my friends while conducting my microteaching but i hope that i won't be the same in front of my future pupils. InsyaAllah. pray for me...

im not passionate about teaching but i try to realize that i already towards the end of my journey...
im not a born teacher, im a 'made' one....:(